DEDICATED TO KATE('S FIANCE)

Our Shoot-out member, Kate, is getting married! Her bachelorette party is today! I dedicate this little poem to her fiance, Sam.

I'll Not Be Doing That

When I was young and just a boy,
My football was my favorite toy.
A little girl asked, wistfully,
"Will you play Barbie Dolls with me?"
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
As I put Barbie's high heels on,
I wondered where the day had gone.
We played with dolls 'til almost dark,
And, then went walking in the park.

When I was twelve and acting tough,
That girl had learned to call my bluff.
She asked, while playing Hide and Seek,
"Will you, please, kiss me on my cheek?"
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
My lips had, barely, touched her face,
And, I was floating out through space.
I guess it wasn't bad, like death,
But I could hardly catch my breath!

A bachelor, I was, and free.
That girl just smiled and said to me,
"You should get married, soon, you know!"
Somehow, she had a strange new glow.
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
Our wedding day was quite a thrill,
There, at the church upon the hill.
She said, "It is a better life,
To have a caring, loving wife."

To celebrate our second year,
My "lovely" said, "Get tickets, dear.
It's to the opera we will go,
To see the gala broadway show!"
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
The opera was a fine affair.
I saw my fishing buddy, there.
We, both, just shook our heads and smiled,
As we were "cultured" for a while.

My wife turned on the bedroom light.
"This dirty diaper's quite a sight!
It's time we shared these baby chores!
I had my turn, and now it's yours!"
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
I choked and gagged, and almost heaved,
Before my duty was achieved.
Oh, what a dreadful time I had
The night I changed our little lad.

My son was young and just a boy.
His football was his favorite toy.
A little girl asked, wistfully,
"Will you play Barbie Dolls with me?"
"He'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think he'd just as soon be dead!"
Then, lifting Junior off the floor,
I, quickly, ran him out the door,
To grab our fishing poles and bait,
And, save him from an awful fate!

Copyright - Gordon Hand

Sam, I've been married forty two years to the same woman. It is the best of times and the painful "growing" times. I highly recommend it, if Kate is the girl she seems to be.
May you both be happy together forever.