Saturday, August 29, 2009


Our Shoot-out member, Kate, is getting married! Her bachelorette party is today! I dedicate this little poem to her fiance, Sam.

I'll Not Be Doing That

When I was young and just a boy,
My football was my favorite toy.
A little girl asked, wistfully,
"Will you play Barbie Dolls with me?"
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
As I put Barbie's high heels on,
I wondered where the day had gone.
We played with dolls 'til almost dark,
And, then went walking in the park.

When I was twelve and acting tough,
That girl had learned to call my bluff.
She asked, while playing Hide and Seek,
"Will you, please, kiss me on my cheek?"
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
My lips had, barely, touched her face,
And, I was floating out through space.
I guess it wasn't bad, like death,
But I could hardly catch my breath!

A bachelor, I was, and free.
That girl just smiled and said to me,
"You should get married, soon, you know!"
Somehow, she had a strange new glow.
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
Our wedding day was quite a thrill,
There, at the church upon the hill.
She said, "It is a better life,
To have a caring, loving wife."

To celebrate our second year,
My "lovely" said, "Get tickets, dear.
It's to the opera we will go,
To see the gala broadway show!"
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
The opera was a fine affair.
I saw my fishing buddy, there.
We, both, just shook our heads and smiled,
As we were "cultured" for a while.

My wife turned on the bedroom light.
"This dirty diaper's quite a sight!
It's time we shared these baby chores!
I had my turn, and now it's yours!"
"I'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think I'd just as soon be dead!"
I choked and gagged, and almost heaved,
Before my duty was achieved.
Oh, what a dreadful time I had
The night I changed our little lad.

My son was young and just a boy.
His football was his favorite toy.
A little girl asked, wistfully,
"Will you play Barbie Dolls with me?"
"He'll not be doing that!" I said.
"I think he'd just as soon be dead!"
Then, lifting Junior off the floor,
I, quickly, ran him out the door,
To grab our fishing poles and bait,
And, save him from an awful fate!

Copyright - Gordon Hand

Sam, I've been married forty two years to the same woman. It is the best of times and the painful "growing" times. I highly recommend it, if Kate is the girl she seems to be.
May you both be happy together forever.


  1. Gordon, this is a delightful poem and is sure to please Kate and Sam. You are very talented and should publish your poems, along with your stunning photographs.

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  3. Thanks for the kind words, Janie. I can only aspire to your talent in photography.

  4. Happiness always for Kate and Sam! Hold hands every chance you get! <><

  5. Sam must be a lucky guy to become a part of your family.

  6. Gordon, that was such a lovely poem! Congrats to Kate and Sam. Wishing you a long and happy life together.

  7. Gordon, your words make me smile every time I read them. Your talent just rises up and grabs my attention. The whimsy and the truth in your poem should be passed on to every new groom. Yay!

    I hope Kate and Sam's marriage lasts as long as yours.

  8. I am just smiling and smiling - this is just so cute :-)

  9. you are very good you know. do you have a book? it could be call 40 years! and celebrate the years in rhyme.

  10. Gordon, that is a really cute poem and should be published!

  11. Gordon,

    Great writing.

    here's my two cents to Sam:
    Sam: Great days ahead,
    You will have clean sheets to sleep on.
    Tou will have laundered clothes, and smoothed ironed shirts and pants.
    You will have delicious dinner.
    You will have your piping hot coffee after dinner.
    You will have a warm bed when it is freezing cold.
    You will have a slave.

    Congrats!!!!! You have join the ranks of 98% of all the good men.
    30 years married in December can't be wrong.

  12. Ann, I don't think Sam will expect all of that from Kate. No woman should submit to being anything like a slave. Side by side they will conquer! The days of marital slave labor are over in mosr countries.
    Congratulations on 30 years. I hope they have been happy ones.

  13. Aww, Gordan! Thank you so much :) We're a whopping 19 days away and I can't wait. I'm a very lucky girl. I can only hope that we're as lucky as you to still be happily married 42 years down the road - and, thank you, to everyone else for all of the well wishes :)

  14. I think you need a poetry blog. You do have a way with words. Your wife is a lucky woman to have such talent around the house. You can write poetry, take photos, and fish; you are organized, great with children, and I know you can fix things around the house. But can you cook?

  15. that was an amazing poem. I loved it! someone said earlier to remember to hold hands. I totally agree. Even if you are angry, kiss good-night. Remember the simple things and 40, 41, 42, years will happen!